A New Year
Happy New Year Everyone!!
I can’t actually believe a whole year has come round this quickly, it really does seem like yesterday I was looking forward to getting into 2016, with all the bright hopes it held, and now we’re sat here a little emotionally battered and bruised at the end of it. Time truly does fly, and so much has changed through this year. It honestly has been full of ups and downs, great highs and some pretty crappy lows, but I survived, and I refuse to look at this whole year with a disparaging sense of gloominess. Instead I want to remember the good times, and focus on the highs more than the lows, because what really is the point in focusing on the negative and upsetting ourselves even more?
Christmas this year has been and odd one for our family, mainly due to losing close family members and friends, including my Grandma and my beloved dog Tuppence. It was no surprise to me that I really struggled to feel ‘Christmassy’ this year, but I still tried my damnedest, so much so I went a little mad on buying presents for everyone in an attempt to still feel magical. All of that being said, I realised that this year we actually spent more time together as a family, doing small little things like going to the town’s Christmas market and just general being with those you love. I may not have been able to find the Christmas cheer as easily, but I found my own special kind of feeling, and it was a truly happy and contented one, even if there was a gaping hole left in our lives from those we’ve lost.
I never like to spend time sat feeling sad, I’ve spent far too much of my life sat on my own moping, getting worked up over all that has gone wrong, and still isn’t quite what I want. I can’t say this year I combated that all too well either, although I tried, and I tried damned hard. Today (It’s New Years Eve as I currently write this) I opened my ‘Happy Jar’, a jar I have kept on my desk all through this year, and when things happened that made me happy or glad I would write them on a little post it note, and pop it in the jar. I did this all year, I must confess though as it got later through the year I did forget to put everything in. Opening all of those little notes today I felt elated, giggling to myself over certain memories, and smiling warm heartedly at others. There’s nothing nicer than reflecting upon all those moments through this year that have been good, whether they were the big ones like getting taken on wonderful dates, or the small ones, which were sometimes just the joy I felt from getting a lovely ‘Mum Hug’. I have found this is now something I will be doing every year, as a few of these memories I had lost in the midst of grief and upset.
As I think back on 2016 I have learnt a lot, it has been full of lessons, even if I’m only now realising it. I may feel like I haven’t made great progress as, on a career level, I haven’t really advanced as much as I would like to have done. Before this year I have to say all I thought I really had in my life was my career, my ultimate goal, but losing people so close to me, actually finding a relationship that works and is healthy has made me see I have so many beautiful and amazing things all around me, and great progress in my personal life has been made. At the beginning of 2016 I had honestly given up on finding someone, on getting a relationship that worked for me, and I didn’t really see this one coming. Having suffered Mental Abuse in my last serious relationship it has given me a warped idea of partnerships and how you give and receive love, I’m still learning what kindness is, and my boyfriend (I’ll refer to him as Baker in these blogs) is a very loving patient individual. Losing my Grandma and Tuppence were weird ones, and I can’t say I’ve fully recovered from the grief, it all still crops up at the weirdest of times, but I know how to cherish every moment with those you love, as well as getting building a new relationship with Stark. Here are a few of the things I have learnt that I will take with me into the New Year and beyond;
Cherish Every Moment
If 2016 has shown us anything it’s that those we love, idolise or even just know can be gone in the quickest of seconds. You never know when it will be your ‘last time’ with someone, so keep the memories in that special place in your heart where you can always get to them, and really take the time with people, let them know how much you appreciate them, because none of us will live forever.
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Something Baker tells me frequently. I’m a worrier, I can worry about the smallest thing that in the end turns out I really never needed to worry about. I’ve noticed a great difference in my mood since I’ve not been making mountains out of mole hills, so to speak. It’s still going to take some time getting out of a lifetime of worrying about everything, but I’m very determined to try.
Your Demons Never Die, So Make Friends with Them
I have spent the past few years waiting for my demons to disappear, I always thought one day I would wake up and they would be gone, they wouldn’t bother me anymore. Things have always gotten better, don’t get me wrong, and for a time I thought maybe a new relationship would get rid of them, but sadly it’s brought to light how much I’ve been affected by it. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, I’m coming to terms and losing my ‘knee jerk’ reactions to things, but if I’ve learnt anything it’s better to try to learn to come to terms with everything, than get angry over wishing constantly that it had never happened, or waiting for the day they’ve left, because they may never leave, but I refuse to let them be in control of my life. I can only hope to remove their power.
Take the Risk
Life is scary, sometimes you can be in two minds about something and completely torn. I took a couple of risks in 2016, and all of them turned out well, I know that’s not always the case, but we only have this life, maybe it’s just worth giving any risk a shot, if it goes wrong it’s never too late to start again.
Like Pokemon we Evolve
2016 was the year Pokemon truly came back to popularity, so I felt the analogy suited. If life has taught me anything it’s that we never stop growing as people. We do change as time goes on, and that’s ok. It’s ok to become a newer and better version of ourselves. I myself look forward to becoming more of the person I’ve always wanted to be, which is definitely the path I find myself on now. Never feel bad for changing.
Everything Happens for a Reason
I know it’s said time and time again, and it’s probably the most over-used phrase that you always hear from your parents, but it really is true. I’d always viewed this one as doubtful, or with a casual ‘yeah, yeah, yeah’, but this last year I’ve really come to see it’s truth. Various things have happened that have made me upset or angry at the time, then somehow they’ve worked their way round to being right. Yes obviously there are still a few scenarios I am waiting to see the reasons for, which do irk me, but I’m starting to learn to be patient, and wait for it all to make sense, which I hope it will.
Sometimes the Best Things Come From the Places we Least Expect
This one’s a very new realisation for me. It does link with taking a risk, and there isn’t a lot to say on it, just that you may not think something will lead somewhere, or that great things will come from one small decision, one small risk, but sometimes it can lead to something incredible.
I have also spent a little bit of my Christmas money on what I like to call my ‘New Year Pack’ a few little things I think help sum up my mindset heading into this new year. A colouring book of swear words, because there really isn’t anything as relaxing as colouring the awful words you wish you could say to someone’s face (plus the artistic work in this book is so lovely it’s untrue). Anna Kendrick’s new book ‘Scrappy Little Nobody’ I mainly purchased this because I really identified with the title, plus the first page of the book really made me go ‘That’s me!’. Kayla Itsines ’28 Day Healthy Eating & Lifestyle Guide’ as I definitely need to get back on my fitness in the new year and stop being such a slob. South Park Season 18 (not pictured as I’m waiting for it to turn up), as it really is always worth investing in things you enjoy and that make you laugh. ‘Spider-Gwen’ as female super heroes are just as great as their male counter parts, and well 2017 will be my year to get into comics finally! A planner from ‘Kikki K’ (Not pictured as it hasn’t arrived yet) as this year I will be organised, honest. And little ‘Doctor Strange’ to remind me you can always learn, you will never know everything and magic is truly everywhere.
I hope you’ve all had a lovely Christmas and a great New Year. Let’s all go out and fill this year with love and happiness. Never forget ‘Compassion is Key, Laughter is Essential and Art is forever’